MY DECISION

Well nowadays many things happen to me and not to say i couldn't handle all of those stuff....

Problem means nothing to me actually, I'll find the way to settle all those stuff anyway. But the pressure and the effect of the problem are hurting me and it really PISS ME OFF RIGHT NOW...

Now what's on my mind is, how did the problem actually happen? I will not find out who is wrong and who should take the responsibility because the things are already happen... It's the payback for me for involving myself in everything right now? Involve in unnesossary part time? Church activity? Black market?

I will not say that I came from a dark background, I will say that I try my best to get myself to know more no matter it is a so called black or white... I will follow anyone that will help me for what I wanted and needed right now, and do anything that will able to fullfield what I needed now.

How about regret for what I've done? I can say I will not regret what I've done, no matter is wrong or not... Because it is my choice and once I've done something, I will take the whole responsibility for the concequances that will occurs after that.

Parents always restricted me for going out mixing with other people. The reason they give were you need to concerntrate on your studies and scared I will be cheated by other people.

Well, when I first started to mix with the social, I admitted that I was conned few times and because of that, I've grew up and right now I've no worries for getting cheated by all those so called business partner... BECAUSE I DIDN'T BELIEVE ANYONE BEFORE

All right, cut the crap out and lets go back to the basics... I am a student right now and my job is to study. I know it but because of my outgoing and lazy personalities, it makes me have no time and screwed up my studies. Seems like it's the time for me to concerntrate on my studies if i don't wanna to face all those unnecessory problem huh? I've found out that the problems are cause from too many outing everyday, including hanging out with friends, church activities, unnecessory part time job... And should i cut down it and focus on my studies? Yea i mean cut down hanging out time, church activities and part time job together. It's not the time to find out what's priority come first, but is to find a new balance among it. I don't care what people says but I've decided to place my studies at the first, It's for myself and for my family. I believe the fact that without education, it's not easy to survive in this society now, and yea, education means everything for me now and my parents are putting a expectation on me.

I thought I've already found the balance between hanging out with friends, church, and job. But nowadays i realise that i've forgotten one more, which is my studies... Oh well, seems like the balance has become unbalance again huh? Lets say if I have cut down all the following activities... Will it turn out to be the way i wanted now?

No matter what, I'm the eldest son in the ong family and i belongs to the family, not other places. And my job right now is to study, not for other people, just for myself and my family. I have carried the responsibility of the ong family since I was borned, and right now I will try anything that will help to do better on my studies. I've decided to cut down hanging out hours, church activities, and part time jobs.

No offence about what i've write just now, you can say anything about it and I will not care. The reason I create a blog is to express all my weird feelilngs and find a solution to curb it.

Last but not least...

I will not regret the decision that I've made today, so please don't waste time talking about this infront of me. Because I've prepared to face the concequences for what I've said just now.